I wanted to start off by saying I have had a good experience with my transition with everyone in my family, a lot of my friends, and other people as well. Everyone has been very open-minded and accepting of me.

This next experience that I am going to share is something that happened to me when I was 17 and still in high school. At this point, I was still progressing from feeling androgynous into coming out as trans. What I would consider being a very vulnerable time. A huge part of this long road of self-discovery was that I battled with bathrooms as a whole. I found myself primarily using the women’s bathroom at my high school typically with a few girlfriends. A trip that consisted of going pee, freshening up my face (note: I wore a full face of makeup daily) and socializing with my friends.

One day at lunchtime I was freshening up with 2 girlfriends and out of nowhere, we heard a male security guard yelling into the bathroom, “everyone evacuate the bathroom immediately”. My first thought was: oh crap, oh crap. Fearing what kind of trouble was to come. I crawled back into a bathroom stall and the girls ran outside to deter security. He demanded that the girls go get whoever remained in the bathroom.

Long and behold, there I was shaking being dragged out of the stall and greeted by the last person you want asking for your ID. Without resisting, I handed him my ID and watched as he wrote down my ID number. I stated, “I was just going pee” causing him to nod and say “oh it’s nothing”. Which clearly, taking down several students ID numbers, was nothing. In the back of my head all I could think was, come on people, I was just going to the bathroom.

My brain was going crazy. Crazier than normal, trying to figure out what had happened. Having previously talked with the vice principal I didn’t fear her as much as I did the punishment that I felt was coming. This was the first time I had found myself being “written up” in my life. The security guard had filed a notice regarding my use of the women’s restroom, which I’d suspected. I still had the same quantity of makeup as I do now and was fully female presenting, granted my hair was roughly 3 inches shorter.

I found myself talking to the vice principal on what the best solution would be for me. Back then I didn’t really know who I was or what I identified as. Causing me to tell her I still identify as he but feel uncomfortable using the male facilities. Can you imagine high school boys walking in and seeing me, in a dress standing at a urinal? That’s a scenario I would never put myself into.

Naturally, I was extremely annoyed with this “resolution” where the nurse’s office was not located in the dead center of the school. Often making it a relatively far walk causing me to miss even more of my class. If you got to go you gotta go… 

As a teenager, the last thing you want is to be an outcast. Forcing one individual to use a different bathroom then literally everyone else was essentially a flashing sign over my head. I continue to ask myself, why? Why did I have to use a different facility? Why if the students haven’t complained? Why does one man’s power supersede a students comfort? I prided myself on never causing problems at school and saw my using the bathroom with my girlfriends as innocent.

I clearly knew the gender I was assigned at birth did not match the gender for that specific bathroom. But the girls clearly didn’t care, we were all in our own stall, no one can see anything. With many trips to the women’s bathroom, I had interacted with at least a dozen girls all of which showed no sign of unease with my presence there. They simply didn’t give a sh*t.

I subsiding and agreed to the terms, I left the office frustrated but appreciating that my record would remain clear. I was only 18 months away from graduation and ended up never using the nurse’s bathroom. But I did learn to keep my trap shut as much as possible when using any facility. A “trick” I have utilized ever since.

I wish there was a better solution to the question, for all of us. I don’t see the problem with me using the public facility of my choice… I present as female – so what is the problem?

I haven’t ever had any bad experiences with bathrooms outside of high school. Having used public women’s facilities elsewhere including restaurants, stores, gas stations without a ruckus regardless of how much makeup I was wearing or whether or not I had a bra on. I just use the female restroom.

At my current place of work, there are 4 stalls in the women’s restroom and no one cares. If I were to use the men’s restroom I would be obligated to use the 1 stall or uncomfortably stand at a urinal. I’ve already had enough uncomfortable moments in the men’s room going from the stall to the sink to wash my hands. Overall I believe one’s own safety should come first. You should do whatever keeps you in a safe environment, there may not be a perfect answer to this but with time I know, we all are/can work towards a better future.