Tip Number One:

Talk to your parents about people who are openly transgender or cross-dressers. Bring up actors/actresses and models who your parents may know in hopes to spark some response out of them (test the waters). For example, talk about Caitlyn Jenner or Laverne Cox to start exploring the possibilities with them before coming out. If you have come out, I have more relevant tips for you later in this article.

Tip Number Two:

After you’ve confronted them about wanting to wear women’s clothing, explain why you want to and be as specific as possible. If your parents know that you’re serious about this and why you’re serious about this, it makes it harder for them to say no. If you do not know how to explain yourself, feel free to just say you feel the need to explore yourself, it is okay to not know why. 

Tip Number Three: 

Discuss your identity. Gender and clothing do not have any sort of correlation other than what we have placed on them as a society. When we talk about cross-dressing or wearing feminine clothing, they will be curious about your gender identity and sexual orientation. I think it’s important to specifically talk about what it is that you desire in order to help them understand.

The second part of discussing your identity is coming out. Now, coming out does not have to be scary. Do it in whichever way is most comfortable to you and to who you want, whether that’s telling everyone, your family, or just your closest friends. Whatever that is, coming out is a really important way for you to feel more confident and comfortable living your life authentically. 

Tip Number Four: 

Break down stereotypes. Sometimes parents, adults, and even just the general public tend to fear or think negatively towards a group of people, such as the transgender community, due to stereotypes society has given them and being uneducated on such topics. Also, know that you do not have to discuss who you’re sexually interested in if that’s not something you’re comfortable with, and if it is brought up, calmly explain to them that there is a difference between gender expression and sexual identity.

Tip Number Five: 

For their reassurance, remind them that you’re still you and that clothing doesn’t change who you are. Revealing information about your desire to dress or identify as a different gender can come as a shock or surprise to your parents. In some ways, they might wish that you had told them sooner. If they question the duration it took you to tell them, I recommend saying that you weren’t trying to keep this a secret from them, but you were trying to find the right time and way to tell them of your desire to identify as female or dress more feminine. You can also bring up that you were researching to find the best way to approach it and to find answers to questions for yourself to come to them with a deeper understanding of how you’re feeling.

Tip Number Six: 

Ask them to give their support.  You can tell them that accepting you is the most important thing to you and that you want to continue to have them be a part of your life. This way you know where they stand and that you’re seeking out their opinion. Doing so shows that you respect them and appreciate having them in your life.

My Experience

Referring back to my experience specifically, one notable thing was that I did was, I came out in chunks. My father was not okay with me going to high school wearing dresses or skirts for the first three years of my transition. But one day I finally was like, “Dad, I can’t lie to myself or to the individuals in my GSA,” as I was co-president of it, “and I feel the need to express myself in the truest way possible,” and we sat down to discuss it more.

I bought new clothing, brought them home, and got his approval on which I could wear to school before actually wearing them out. As I slowly progressed into senior year, I was finally free to wear whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and my dad was okay with that. My father’s primary concern with me wearing women’s clothing was my safety. He was nervous that I would have gotten bullied, harassed, or physically harmed because of my decision to transition. I was young and just beginning my transition and so all of this was hard for me to understand, but I can see his points now. Even though it wasn’t what I wanted, I still went with his rules.

If you’re living in your parent’s home and under the age of 18 please do your best to remember that your parents were raised in a completely different time. So it’ll most likely take more than one conversation for things to start to progress. Lastly, if you’re not in a safe space, do what’s best for your current situation. If you must wait till you move out to talk to them, please take that time to explore who you are internally and maybe come out to your close friends instead of your family. I love you all, stay safe and I wish you good luck on your journey.