Meet Drag Chai, a 21 year old bisexual, cisgender woman (she/her). We met a few years ago through a mutual friend (you know who you are queen). Since that day I’ve witnessed her creativity blossom along with her joy. I wish nothing but the best for this quirky girl. Still a little sad you moved to the east coast but whatever. A mother must accept the fact her babies must leave the nest.

Q: Where there any signs or feelings in your childhood that you were bisexual? 

A: Growing up was really weird, because my family, primarily including my grandparents and my dad, were really homophobic. When Prop 8 came up, the whole anti-gay marriage deal, I was around 10 and being spoon-fed Fox News ideology of what’s right and wrong with sexually. I would hear being gay or bi or anything like that was wrong, while I was haveing a lot of thoughts like, “oh, this girl is really great,” or “I really want to be her friend.” Then I grew up and realized that those thoughts were early indicators of my sexuality that I was just deeply suppressing, because my family would not have accepted it and I was too young to understand that being gay or bi was even an option.

I remember being maybe six or seven and thinking that my best friend was really pretty and wanting to kiss her. This is so sad, but sometimes we would pretend we were each other’s Elementary School boyfriend crush and kiss. And I loved it, but I don’t think she did because now she’s married to a man. When I got older, maybe 13 or 14, I stopped going to church with my family, started meeting other people that were queer, and I realized that I could be different. At 15 I was finally able to accept myself for who I was. Throughout my education, in a public school, there were other gay people there with me, especially since I lived in California at the time. Luckily there were a lot more people with liberal views who allowed their children to be gay or bi or trans or whatever, because that was where I learned it was even possible past the disgusting comments my grandparents made.

Q: What has been one of your best memories since coming out?

A: I have to say my favorite memory since coming into myself as a gay person would probably be the first time I went out to a gay bar. There was a show happening and I had gone with my friend Chyna. I realized that even though I was a straight passing, cis woman in drag, people in queer spaces still acknowledge the art I was doing. It was cool to get that support from other people for my first time being an exaggerated woman, that’s what I call my drag because I don’t dress like I do in drag for every day looks. I have issues with people saying that Assigned Female At Birth (AFAB) Queens aren’t valid. Like, do you think I walk around wearing sequin gowns and giant hair everyday? Of course not! The first time I did drag was a super hot mess. I was referencing a picture of Trixie Mattel and if that doesn’t already tell you “hot mess,” I don’t know what will. I did the under eye shape completely wrong. Everything out of line. I had these little Amazon, padded shorts instead of pads, and I think I was wearing a plain, black dress that I would wear out of drag. Nothing was cohesive. The makeup style, with a different hairstyle, with that outfit I was wearing, none of it matched, and to top it off, my eyebrow cover was bad. I actually shaved my eyebrows the next time I did drag, because it really wasn’t working. And now it’s archived indefinitely on Instagram because it’s a sad, sad moment.

Q: What was the first makeup Item you remember wearing? 

A: I was 12 and I had to beg my grandmother to give me eyeliner, because I was coming into my emo phase and wanted racoon eyeliner. When she finally did get me makeup, her and my father restricted me on what I could wear. I remember going to the bathroom in 7th grade, and at 6 in the morning when my dad dropped me off, I would raccoon the fuck out of my eyes, but then I would have makeup wipes with me so I could take it all off before going home.

Q: Tell me about coming out, who did you tell first and what was their response?

A: This is actually a funny story. When I was 14, my dad was married to this woman at the time, we’ll call her my step mom, even though she isn’t currently. Well, they had seen something I posted on my Instagram vaguely mentioning being interested in women. It was the vaguest comment and it was like a year after I had made the comment before they had even addressed it, but they called me into their bedroom and they told me that they knew that I was bisexual and that they researched bisexuality. Their reaction really caught me off guard because of how supportive they were. And I had been trying to hide it from them. I mean, at first I felt like I was being interrogated. They were saying, “we know what you are,” but they told me immediately afterward that it would never affect our relationship and they weren’t going to tell my grandparents, but they were very supportive. Then when I got to choose to come out to my grandparents, I think I was 18, one day we were in the kitchen and I was sitting on the counter just like I always do while she was cooking dinner and I told her, “Hey, I’m dating someone and I want to tell you about them,” and she said, “Okay, what’s his name?” and I said “Her name is Alexia.” Then we had a good conversation where I found out that she is not accepting of lgbtq+, however, she let me know loves me and will always love me. She said she had her suspicions for years, because I had girlfriends I was hiding from her in high school and she said it wasn’t a surprise honestly. It was a small victory for me to know she wasn’t upset by my sexuality because of my family’s apparent homophobia.

Q: Talking Sexual Orientation

A: I don’t remember the first conversation I ever had with someone about my sexuality, but I do remember very vividly the first conversation I had about me doing drag as a cis woman. My ex and I went to a New Year’s party and my lovely friend, Chyna, was invited because her and my ex had gone to high school together. I have been fascinated with drag since I was maybe 12 or 13 and that was when I started watching RuPaul’s Drag Race. Through my exposure to Drag Race, I was inspired to do my own little external research into drag. I really loved it, but I had no clue that there were other women that did it. When I did hear about women doing drag, it was known to be super taboo and that the “actual” drag queens hated cis women doing drag. So, I never even consider it an option for myself. One day, Chyna was telling me about her drag and I said, “I wish more than anything that I could do drag” and she asked “Well, why don’t you?” and my reply was “Well, that’s against the rules, like, I can’t do that, I’m a woman” and she laughed at me. Then, she proceeded to tell me that there’s a whole online community for all kinds of performers with all different styles and tastes and different perspectives of drag. I think literally the next day she gave me a wig. So, that was my first experience I had that opened my eyes to the world of AFAB Queens!

I’ve never had any problems with my friends, like I’ve never had to come out to my friends, I’ve never had to explain why I do drag to my friends. Actually, the only time I’ve had to is when I was explaining it to this straight dude, even with him it wasn’t that hard, because his uncle did Drag and stuff. So, all of my friends have been really understanding and loving to the fact that I’m bisexual and I do drag. Even now, they all follow my drag account and a lot of them are amazed at what I’m able to do. I just don’t think that I am able to articulate myself through digital art or physical art the same way that I’m able to when I do drag. All of my friends have been really loving and supportive. Most of my core friends live in California still and I know if they were here they would all come out to see my performances along with the friends I’ve made here!

Q: What was your first time in drag like?

A: My beginning to do drag started without being in competitions, I did a few little projects, and I wasn’t satisfied. I needed a push, so I went on Instagram in the whole Drag Race Instagram Community and I joined like 2-4 competitions, pretty much all within the same three or four months. For those of you who don’t know, there are a lot of online Instagram competitions, there’s even YouTube competitions and they’re all just smaller versions of drag race that are altered in different ways. There’s one I’ve found called Queens Purgatory, which is a really great platform on instagram for Drag Queens. I’ve done Queens Purgatory along with Drag Deviance, which is a competition I now host. Now I’m currently competing in Drag Showdown, which is a huge drag competition. Online competitions was where I got my start, which was nice for me because I was able to get specific categories assigned to me and have to get creative because I was just starting off on my own and I was pulling things out of my closet and using it for drag looks. That’s not what I do at this point because nothing felt creative nor special. Getting to perform in those competitions became more special once I was able to build a separate closet. I remember the first time I ever felt creatively confident with the look I did, it was a look I did for Queens Purgatory. It was the first week and the look was to be inspired by our greatest fears.

When I first started doing competitions, I wasn’t doing as well as I wanted to. In my first competition I got fourth place, which isn’t bad, but I of course wanted to win. The second competition I did I was the runner up, although I wanted the win, I was still happy with the progress I had made. The third competition I did I was also the runner-up, so it was kind of getting to the point of being repetitive. The fourth, I was a little rough, and it really started to hurt. But the biggest milestone I personally was able to achieve was winning Queens Purgatory All Stars. In my original Queens Purgatore season, I placed fifth or sixth, I really didn’t do that well. Then when I came back for all stars, everyone had really low expectations, and so I won! That was when I really felt like I could do anything in drag.

Q: Did starting drag affect your sex life?

A: I was in a relationship when I started doing drag and my partner was very supportive of my drag, to an extent. He didn’t like the messes, but that’s because he’s a really annoying jerk. Drag has affected the way that I feel about myself, so I think it affected the way that I acted in that relationship. I think the new found confidence that I had was too much for his small ego to handle and I kind of grew in ways that weren’t being accepted in the relationship we had. Now my partner’s also a drag queen which is something that is really great for my dating life, because there is a mutual understanding between us. So I guess drag has impacted my dating life, because there are a lot of people who don’t understand the requirements of drag, people that don’t understand what it takes to do drag, and to appreciate someone who does drag without getting upset over it. It is really nice to know that I’m able to find a partner so special and unique as mine, but I think that now, as an established performer, dating someone who wasn’t a performer would be really hard.

I have really struggled my whole life with feeling like my authentic self. When I was a child, I felt the need to lie about things. I let my family have the impression that I was religious, that I was straight, that I wanted a traditional, nuclear family someday. Then I grew up and realized that that was not authentic for me, and it was hard on myself. Now that I am living on my own, the past year of my life is when I started being my full authentic self. I’ve been able to grow over the years. In high school I started dressing as myself and I came out as bi to my family, or they came out as knowing I was to me. That really was the start of my authenticity growing, but I think now that I live completely alone, in my own apartment, in an entire state away from my family, I am able to do drag as I want, perform as I want, and I have a relationship that uplifts me and supports me. Right now I am living my most authentic life.

Q: Are there any words that you find to be offensive?

A: I don’t think so. I am the kind of person that doesn’t let things people say really hurt me. I know that there are terms that are offensive to AFAB performers. I know that bio-queen is a term that can be very touchy.

Personally, I don’t care, because I know that people aren’t usually coming from a place of negativity. I don’t think that there is any slur that someone could stay to me that would genuinely hurt my feelings. I’ve been called all the names of the Sun and I don’t think any of them personally hurt me, but I understand that they can have hurtful connotations for other people, so I don’t use those terms. I’ve just learned not to let them bother me. At the end of the day, it’s a projection of their own insecurities, and that’s out of my control, so if you want to sit there and say “you’re not a real drag queen.” Then okay, diva, have a good time doing it. I’m not going to let it get under my skin. I know I’m beautiful, I know I’m good at what I do, and I know I’m happy doing what I’m doing. So, sorry you’re insecure. 

Q: Do you have any horror stories from while being in drag?

A: I get harassed so often! I’m actually really glad that you asked, because even in queer spaces, like gay bars or drag shows, I get harrassed. Whether I’m in or out of drag, someone always has something to say to me. Like people who are fascinated with my “breastplate,” A.K.A. my titties, and they come up to touch without even asking. The other day there was a guy who came up to me and tried to smack me on my ass in drag. Drag is not consent to touch other people! If you can’t handle your liquor, don’t drink at the drag show, because we don’t want to deal with it. 

I also have these problems while going out in public, both in and out of drag, and facing forms of bigotry. More often in drag, because I personally like really dynamic videos. I like to go to weird places and take my photos and videos. I’ve filmed in record stores, literal dumpsters, and my own apartment complex. Most of the time these locations are not very private and people drive by when I’m minding my business sitting in a dumpster and they’ll yell out the window to ask if I’m okay. I remember when I was filming my drowning look at a public pool, multiple people came by freaking out, asking, “Is she okay?” In a record store that I was filming a look in, I could hear people talk, and they knew I could hear them saying I was dressed too inappropriately to be in a public place. For all I was concerned, my ass and tiddies were covered, so I really don’t know what they considered inappropriate, maybe it was just that I was in drag. People can definitely be bigots and I’ve experienced it a decent amount. Mostly because I have put myself in situations that are a little bit more high risk for exposure. I don’t think I’ve really been a victim of a hate crime, it’s more just been vague harassment, thankfully.

Q: What’s next for you?

A: Drag Showdown is about to air, which is a lovely drag YouTube competition. I have back filmed all of it, so that is on my horizons for being released. I’m excited for everyone to see! In May, I will be moving to Connecticut, so hopefully I will be able to expand my platform and start performing and re-establishing connections in Connecticut. I have already started since my partner, the drag queen by the name of Glass Stain, currently resides in Connecticut and I have a lot of lovely connections through him and his friends who I have also been able to befriend. That’s really all of what’s up and coming for me in regards to drag, because I can’t really audition for Drag Race.

Q: If you had the opportunity to give your younger self one word of advice, what would it be?

A: Stop being so scared of being yourself! It has been something that has held me back from a lot of opportunities. Whether it’s hiding in the water polo locker rooms making out with some chick because I was too scared to tell anybody I was bi or preventing myself from doing drag because I didn’t think it would be accepted. I wish that I had just been more vocal and expressive about the thoughts that were in my head and I would tell younger Chai to just go for it! Do everything that crosses your sweet little mind, because that’s how you discover yourself. To all the little folks who think they’re having strange thoughts in their head, whether it be in your gender identity, gender expression, asexuality, desire to do things that are atypical from the “norm”, or whatever, live a life that is truly authentic to yourself. Even if you feel currently happy with what you’re doing and how you’re expressing, conveying, or portraying yourself, just make sure what you’re doing is true to you and true to your heart, because you can’t change what has already happened.