I present you with episode 2 of Finding Yourself, featuring Chyna Rylie. A transgender women who goes by she/her pronouns. Chyna holds a special place in my heart as we have been friends for nearly 7 years now and have been at her side throughout her entire transition. I can’t wait to see where the next 5-20 years will take her.

Q: Were there any signs or feelings in your childhood?

A: Throughout my childhood I’ve always been a more feminine creature. When I was super young (age 2-3) I would walk around the house wearing a towel on my head and pretend it was super long hair. I would wear towels as dresses and oversized shirts which lets just say I was a trend setter because that is a thing now.

Q: When do you start questioning your gender? Was there an age, place, or event?

A: It’s more like I’ve always had an attraction to feminine things, but it’s never really became a question until the last few years. I want to say when I first initially asked myself, “What am I?”, was in Middle School. I even remember as a child around 8 years old I was like crying in my bed, praying to God to please make me a woman, please tomorrow I want to be a woman.

Q: How did you learn what being transgender was?

A: Around middle school I started watching a lot of androgynous male YouTubers. As time progressed a lot of them came out as transgender. Leading me to do my own little research during middle school.

Q: Tell me your favorite memories since coming out.

A: My favorite memory was definitely when I got called ma’am for the first time. I wasn’t even wearing makeup. It shocked me – I usually have this thing where If I’m not wearing makeup then I don’t feel l present female. I feel like I use makeup as an armour. I did have my hair down, I had like sweats on and a pink shirt and I got called ma’am! I was like oh s*** that felt good, definitely one of my favorite memories and any other time I get called ma’am, her, or she!

Q: What’s the first makeup item you ever wore?

A: It was eyeliner. I was into emo style and followed Jeffree Star and Blood on the Dance Floor. The whole thing. A huge part of the emo style was eyeliner. Back in middle school I stole some eyeliner from my grandma and wore it to school. We lived in a really small town, that was conservative, so I would say all eyes were on me at that moment. 

Q: Tell me about the first time you ever crossdressed. 

A:  I’ve been wearing girly clothing ever since I was young (somewhere between 3 and 6). I wore my grandma would buy for me.

Past this, the next memorable time was my last day of freshman year. I wore a sparkly purple dress from my mom’s closet. I got really mixed reactions but overall it felt neat. At this point in my life, I was still questioning my own identity. My mind’s main focus was more on what people would say about me.

Q: Who did you tell first and what was the response? 

A: I’ve come out as a lot of things… gay, gender fluid and a few others, but I came out as transgender to social media first. One day I just posted it all online (Instagram/Facebook). I had already been super androginous in appearance so I didn’t feel like it was such a big deal to just come out. I obviously sat my family members down and told them what name and pronouns I’d like to be called by. Earlier than this, I came out as gay to my grandma first. I was a little reluctant to tell her but I had posted so much LGBT stuff on Facebook that she had seen. I even had a fake boyfriend. I created a fake profile on Facebook and would talk to him on my timeline. My grandma confronted me with the question “Do you like boys?” I replied with ”yeah grandma.” She wasn’t the most accepting of it but after a few years/coming out again she’s made her way around. Due to my grandma knowing but being in denial, she never told anyone. Giving me the chance to formally sit down with my mom to tell her I was gay. I had the typical tears running down my face, and sobbing, “Mom I’m gay.” What got me was her response, “Oh I know!” After my mom it kind of just spread. I have been living my life ever since then. 

Q: What was the first conversation that you ever had regarding your gender?

A: Well that is super hard to pinpoint. I feel like I’ve had a few conversations. At 8 years old I clearly didn’t know what being transgender ment. This didn’t spot me from questioning: why I had to wear specific things or do certain things. I was a pretty woke child. I’ve always challenged things like why I couldn’t wear girls pants or a dress.

Q: How have your friends, family, and coworkers adjusted to things with pronouns? 

A: It is still kind of tricky because my coming out has been recent (7-8 months). At my workplace, I haven’t really brought it up, because I don’t want my gender identity to be the main focus of who I am there. My actual friends have adjusted pretty well. I’ve been pretty girly, so I feel like the transition from male to female really wasn’t that far fetched for any of them. For my parents, it was a bit harder for them, specifically my mother. I also understand that I’ve been her son for so many years and getting used to the fact I’m not her son but now her daughter is an adjustment. She is not against it at all, I’m just still in my first step towards transitioning and getting used to the lingo will take some time.

Q: What was your first step into transitioning? 

A: I haven’t started any medical procedures yet. I plan to start HRT and laser hair removal soon. The first step in transitioning was buying a lot of girls clothes and attempting to make my voice more feminine. Before coming out I was very into makeup and had started growing my hair out. When it comes to my appearance – It’s always been gradually shifting towards fem.

Q: What other steps or milestones have you done that you are proud of?

A: Since coming out the biggest milestone was simply being comfortable wearing stuff out in public. I used to be so anxious wearing anything remotely feminine. Now, I’m confident wearing whatever I want outside. With or without makeup on. My hair is really long and continuing to grow so I’ve become pretty happy with that. Overall, having the confidence to wear and look however I want to look has been my greatest milestone yet.

Q: Did coming out notably affect your dating life? 

A: Funny story. A couple of days after coming out as trans – I got a boyfriend, so that happened. I would say ever since being more feminine, my dating life has been better. My dating life is significantly better because as a gay boy, I struggled to connect with other gay guys. I didn’t feel like I was a part of that community and questioned why I feel like such an outcast in this group I was supposed to be in.

Q: At what step did you feel like you were being your most authentic self? 

A: I had an epiphany. I cut my hair super short, started wearing guy clothing (button-ups and pants) every day to school trying to be super masculine. I cutting my long beautiful hair just because I wanted to fit in with the other gay guys. Until one day I said, excuse my french F*** that I’m going to wear makeup to school. I’m going to be super girly. I don’t care if people don’t like it.

Q: Are there any words you find offensive?

A: I don’t find a single word offensive. I believe that words only have as much power as you give to them. If you treat words like tranny or fa* as a slur, then these slurs will continue to be used against you. I find power in reclaiming these words like,” Yes I am a tranny.” You can not let what other people throw your way affect you.

Q: What kind of struggles have you faced in public with your gender? 

A: I get the standard old white people stares but one time some guy was driving by and threw a drink at me. Leaving my clothes and body sticky. But other than that there has been no physical confrontation. Just the side-eyes. Who cares if people are looking at you. We all just need to focus on ourselves.

Q: What is next for you?

A: I definitely want to move forward with my transition. Starting with laser hair removal. Then go on hormones and get some titties. I’d love to work on getting my voice a little higher and start working on my drag. I have a bunch of looks I’ve already done online but I haven’t gone to the Clubs. I want to make my looks more extravagant. I think drag is a super cool way to express yourself no matter if your trans, cis or anywhere else on the gender spectrum.

Q: If you were given the opportunity to tell your younger self one word of advice what would it be?

A: I would tell my younger self just go with whatever you desire. I remember repressing myself in middle school and high school. Even as a younger child I unknowingly repressed myself, because my mom’s super abusive boyfriend did not like me being feminine in the slightest. I truly wish I discovered who I was earlier.

Q: What is one word of advice you would give to others going through similar situations?

A: I would say just do it – I know that I am pulling a Shia LaBeouf right now but you just gotta do it! If you want to wear a dress, then wear a dress. If you want to have short hair and wear a tuxedo then I say do it. Express yourself however you see fit. If other people don’t approve of that then – say bye. The only person that you should depend on for happiness is yourself. If you don’t look how you want or connect with how you express yourself then you’re not being your true self. Trust me when I say it feels so much better just being who you want to be. Express yourself, don’t repress yourself.

Enjoy this post?

Check out episode 1 featuring Rubye Moore, a local Pheonix Drag Queen who has found confidence and joy through performing. Click here to learn more about Rubye’s coming out story and self-exploration.