Today I introduce to you episode 3 of Finding Yourself! Coco Bardot is eternally 22 (but actually 27 at the time of filming). Preferred pronouns are she/her and she identifies as a lesbian.

Q: Were there any signs/feelings in your childhood regarding your sexuality?

A: Yes – very much so! I saw the Janet Jackson music video “That’s The Way Love Goes” when I was about 5 and I felt things for the first time…at about that age I wanted to hold a girls hand a little more than the other girls. I knew early on that I liked girls but I clung onto bisexual until I turn 18. 

Q: Was there a specific time/age/place where you admitted to yourself yes, I am a lesbian?

A: I was about 11 years old. It was me, my mom and my brothers in the room and gay marriage came up. We were sitting on the couch and I was shoced to find out gay people can’t get married. It had never crossed my mind as I had a gay aunt who was living with her wife. Then I thought oh crap I can’t get married. That was my ahhh moment. I just knew I liked holding hands with girls from 5 up and at about 11 I knew the word gay (but not lesbian). I never looked up what a lesbian was until high school. I was googling stuff at school I shouldn’t of and ultimately learned alot online about lesbian. By 16 I was looking for other girls to date at school. 

Q: Tell me about your favorite memory since identifying as lesbian.

A: I dated around the military a lot – I had a partner that was deployed overseas for 6 months. Landing me into the wifes of all the air force. These women were the real housewife of the air force. One night out instead of going to the club as planned we were diverted to this restaurant where we found one of the girls dudes in their car with another lady bumping uglies. The wife beat up her husband and I demanded to be drop off somewhere, anywhere. I was either going to go home or out alone. On my way home I just happened to pass one of the gay bars where I never really hung out.  This was the first time I was like “my people” hanging out with other lesbians – this was the moment I was like, I’m never hanging out with straight girls again. 

Q: Tell me about your first time doing drag. 

A: It was totally accidental. Before drag I performed Rocky Horror Picture Show – where we lip synced and danced. I have some musical theater background – I can’t really sing but I can dance a little. Someone approached me at one of the shows and said hey you should do drag. Not boy drag but maybe fem drag or faux pan?

About 6 years ago I invited a drag queen to stay with me at my crib and during her 6 month stay she dressed me up for the first-time in the middle of my living room. My first time doing drag was with this person laughing at me. After that, I was like alright let’s do this at an open mic – so we did. This night happened to fall on October 31st, Halloween night and I’ve been hooked ever since.

Q: What is the first makeup item you remember wearing? 

A: I remember sneaking my mom’s lip liner when I was 7 years old. My mom looked like Jada Pinkett Smith – and had a swag about her. She might look like a dude in her overalls but her lips and eye makeup were always done. I grabbed her lip liner and went outside thinking I looked fly. I got roasted by my brothers but that was it. Before drag I would use one of those awful CoverGirl compact sets that do nothing for you. 

Q: Tell me about coming out – who did you tell first? And what was their response? 

A: Going back, my dad knew since I was 11. I asked him if he’d still love me if I marry a girl, and he said no – resulting in me moving out at age 13 to live with my aunt and uncle.

I was seeing this girl at 17 and one night I was talking to her on the phone when my aunt overheard me say “I love you, Emily”. She stood outside my bedroom door until the call was over then proceeded to knock. She immediately said, “Is there something you want to tell me? You now you can.” I replied with “Whatever are you talking about?” but I ended up crying and admitting I liked girls but held onto bi until I was 18. 

I officially came out to my parents at 18. I waited thinking if my dad swung at me at least I could file charges. My dad wrote me off. He’s muslim so I got the whole “going to the hell fire and all that noise” and my mom simply responded with sad tears.

Q: What are some milestones and goals that you’ve accomplished since coming out?

A: Since coming out I have gotten married. I dated in the military during the don’t ask, don’t tell window. Until marriage existed, I was a cousin instead of a girlfriend. Then when marriage equality was legalized, the military became more open. A couple of years passed and I asked my girlfriend at the time if she would marry me! A year later to the day we got married. I guess being able to get married to one of my biggest accomplishments.

I am about to be a mother and I didn’t think that would ever happen because, you know, you need a boy for a little bit. Motherhood is another big moment. I did a big going away show before my move and they brought my wife up (she hates being on stage), introduced her and said yeah they’re married and having a kid!! Everyone cheered and all our amazon lesbians cheered for us.

Q: Are there any other notable drag moments? 

A: I guess going to Austin Fest. I have been to DragCon for a few years, it’s nice but I did not get to perform. I only got to walk around and take pictures. At Austin Fest, I had the opportunity to perform with many hundreds of performers ranging from season queens to newbies. The festival was featured in the info awards and will be highlighted again on that this year. 

Q: Did coming out notably affect your dating life?

A: Yes very much so. I had a couple of beards in high school. I would not wait around to be asked. I was suppose to date boys and all dances were arranged dates by my aunt because she didn’t know I was gay. So she would have a coworker’s son take me to a dance. This same aunt is now sending me baby clothes etc.

Q: Were there any actionable steps that you took that made you feel like you were truly being your authentic self?

A: Moving from Phoenix – we knew it would be a pit stop while wifey was stationed here. I grew a lot here in Phoenix. Now I am off to venture off to what I really want and take over Denver. Let those bitches have it.

Q: Are there any words you find offensive? 

A:  not anymore I used to hate bull dager and dyke – my dad used it in reference to my gay aunt. Now I am like hell yeah I am a big old lesi dyke. I can say that now because there were many women before me who couldn’t say it. Even my catch phrase of Coco is Cunty – well cunty is a dirty word to women – but It’s about the same as bitch in our community. Words like that don’t bother me.

In the beginning faux queen really pissed me off, because they were calling me a fake drag queen. When I started performing in Colorado I was often the butt of the joke. They would ask why don’t you just do burlesque? 

Q: What kind of struggles have you faced in public? 

A: Um, nothing much as far as drag. I have had some drunk guys asking and feeling me up asing are they real?

Q: Have you been a victim of a hate crime?

A: I have had a couple of insteasteds…coming home from open mic one night some random homeless guy asked me if I was at the Dyke bar. Then proceeded to say dykes like me shouldn’t exist. Followed by him swinging at me and fracturing my jaw. This was the first time I had actually feared for my life as a lesbian. I kept saying  I didn’t do anything, I was just walking home. But here I was at the Hospital.

Maybe a year or two later I dealt with a mutual friend sexually assaulting me. It was at a time where I got dumped by a total b**** girl and felt done with women so I started to date this guy. Who styled hair for drag queens but he was straight. We got along well enough.  The mutual thought, me seeing another guy ment I would see any guy so he forced himself on me. It was something I only told a handful of people.When I told my lesbian aunt she asked if I instigated it and I said no I just exsisted. 

Q: What is next for you? 

A: I have this 6 month plan for coco and on for me personally. Personally, help my wife birth this baby and get hired at one of the several makeup positions in Denver. As far as Coco – it took me 2.5 years to be placed onto a show/casted monthly. My Denver goal is to be on a cast (at least monthly) within 2 months. I want to be recognizable as a fem black drag queen. Denver has their own race issues – they like their queens skinny blonde –but I am coming. I want Coco to take over Denver. 

Q: If you were to be given the opportunity to tell your younger self one word of advice what would it be?

A:  I would go back to 17 year old me crying to my aunt and being really confused -and tell myself to stop wasting your time trying to please your family. I’m still dealing with that regret now. If only 17 year old me knew it wouldn’t even matter in 10 years. The hard part is I still want them to love and notice me. There’s blood and then there’s family. I’ve made my own family from Rocky Horror, drag and the LGBT community.

Q: What is one message you would like to leave with the little boys and girls going through similar situations?

A: Don’t force yourself to do things you don’t want to just to appease others. I went on those forced arranged dates in high school when I did not want to. You don’t have to conform to anything your family tells you to do. At 18 they are only background fodder. They are your past…make your own future. 

Since Filming:

Coco and her wife: moved to Colorado, welcomed their daughter to the world and purchased their first home. Her drag has taken over Denver! Coco currently hosts a gig monthly at Hamburger Mary’s in Denver.

“A year changes a lot. I feel extremely lucky to be in a city that is so supportive.” – Coco

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