Let’s start by talking about self-confidence and those who appear to have it and those who may struggle with it. Regardless of where you think you stand, self-confidence requires effort even for those that appear to have it with little to no effort. Most of the time, those with good confidence were raised by or surrounded by individuals with great self-confidence skills. I consider this an imitated behavior, but regardless of what you think of yourself, I promise you at the end of this video you’ll have a few skills that you can implement to gain confidence. These skills are a simple way to build self-confidence, to gain true self-confidence one must be willing to put in the effort.

Present Yourself with Confidence

Imagine yourself going to a job interview, what do you do? You show up to sell yourself and to be able to properly show off, you must be confident in your abilities. True self-confidence shines in every aspect of your life, this job interview not only has you show off your self-confidence through displaying your abilities, but you also tend to get dressed up. Looking good means feeling good.

Now don’t get me wrong, looks are not everything, but when you’re trans if you think you look good and have put the effort into your appearance, going out into public spaces feels less intimidating. It also shows people, especially those you know, that you’re serious about your gender identity, which ultimately encourages them to take you seriously.

Tip 1: Take the time to improve your appearance before leaving the house. That can be as simple as showering, throwing on a necklace, or as complex as spending 30+ minutes putting on makeup. Regardless of what you want to boost, take the time to do it. Show up to that job interview, that family event, that grocery store feeling H-O-T.

Moving Past Negative Thoughts

Take the time to give others positive feedback because once you can find things about others that you like it becomes easier to see more positives in yourself and your life. Once it becomes a habit, it turns into a new mindset. You’ll be amazed at how much having a positive perspective on life affects your own personal confidence. 

Simply requiring yourself to think and say positive things pushes you to focus on the positives.

Tip 2: Next time you’re talking to a loved one tell them something nice about them. Maybe there’s a healthy habit they have or some type of self-control/awareness that you’re envious of. Tell them you admire that quality of them or it can be as simple as complimenting their shoes. Whatever it is, make sure you really believe it. These statements shouldn’t be meaningless otherwise they serve you and others no purpose.

Start Thinking Positive

Unfortunately, we as humans find it incredibly easy to focus on the negatives. Although it might not be as easy to identify the positives, I promise they are there. The goal is not to develop delusions of a happy world, it’s to be more realistically optimistic about where you are in life. Simply having the ability to get to and from the job or having a roof over your head or having even just one friend that cares to ask how you’re doing are amazing things to appreciate. Appreciate even the things that you might feel are too small for appreciation because every aspect of your life has gotten you to where you are today.

Tip 3: For the next five days put a reminder in your calendar to write down one thing that you appreciate. Also, include one sentence for why you appreciate it. Here are a few questions you could use to help your writing: What have I learned from this experience? What have I gained through this? How has it brought me joy?

Accept Your Imperfections

The idea of perfectionism is a nasty, self-inflicted wound. The only person capable of fixing your concept of having a perfect life is you. Instead of looking for perfection, you should just be putting in all your own effort. If you do your best and feel you have not met the mark, recognize that you’ve done your best then strive to do better the next time around. Use the opportunity of less than perfection to push you to learn and educate yourself to do better the next time.

The most successful people in the world focus on continuous improvement rather than perfection on their first swing. In fact, seeking perfection can be a burden that holds you back.

Tip 4: In all future projects get it as close to done as possible within a predetermined time frame. Once you’re done show it to a few friends and get feedback. Maybe discuss the topic with a professional at the skill (we each only know what we know). Be open to that feedback and leverage it the next time.

Set Yourself Up for Success

Before doing anything in your life consider what is the worst thing that can happen. By identifying your worst fear and coming up with a solution for it you eliminate self-doubt and boost your self-confidence because you know regardless of what happens you’ll be OK and can figure out a way around it.

Tip 5: A simple way to prepare is each day, before getting out of bed, think of three things you want to complete that day. If you have a notebook, write them down, maybe create a checklist. Organize your day around these priorities. If you have a big goal that will take several days or even weeks, set achievable daily, or even weekly goals that will push you towards the end goal. Believing you can achieve your goals will help boost your self-confidence.

Always Do Your Best

No matter what you do day-to-day, it’s important to give it your best. By not doing your best you’re automatically deeming yourself unworthy and therefore dropping your self-confidence. Give yourself something to accomplish each and every day. Stop comparing yourself to your past. I understand that things come up and we all have to perform under different pressures at different points in life. Find self-forgiveness for those moments that something might have gone wrong and take those moments as experiences of self-learning and growth.

Tip 6: Before doing your next intimidating task tell yourself (in front of a mirror or in your head) “I can do this. I will put my all into this. I will succeed.”

Additional Small Tips:

• Speak slowly and think before you speak
• Stand tall/hold your head high
• Make eye contact and smile
• Change a small habit for a month
• Volunteer somewhere
• Exercise/get active
• Clean your workspace

Accept disapproval

No matter what you do, you will always find there are people who don’t agree with you. It’s important to understand you cannot please everyone. Success should only be defined by what you believe success is and not by others ideas of success. By dropping the need to seek approval from others you’ll become your more authentic and real soul. Prove to yourself that you are competent and confident, and in return, others will see it as well. And if they don’t, those individuals usually aren’t worth worrying about.

No matter what, building confidence takes time. But with a little effort and daily enforcement, I believe that each and every one of you has the ability to make it happen. Take the six steps you have learned today and apply them to yourself. Have faith that if you make the small actions you will succeed. And if you feel you need more information than what you got today, I recommend picking up a new book. Reading self-help novels can improve the way you think and ultimately the way you feel. Your journey starts now. Make the necessary actions to become the best version of yourself. By reading this you’ve already shown you have the initiative in starting your process, and you’re already one step closer.